Goals: The Setting and Pursuit Thereof.
I just finished watching a rare video by the popular machining and engineering blogger AvE, where he gives some useful life-advice. Even allowing for AvE's "colorful" language, it's still some very solid advice.
Please watch the video first, else what follows may not make much sense.
The next most important thing is to give yourself permission to change or reorder your goals, and to do so by treating the goal selection process itself as a goal, something to pursue and learn to do well.
In my case, back in the early 1970's I was a very dysfunctional teenager who happened to get decent grades, and who everyone assumed would go directly to a good university. I desperately wanted some breathing room to figure myself out (I was depressed and silently suicidal, with one older brother dead to suicide and the other extremely emotionally disturbed). I didn't disagree that college was in my future, but I knew I wasn't ready. Yet I didn't see any alternatives to the track I was on. I was dreading high school graduation. I was dreading the arguments with my parents. I was dreading choosing a college and then a major, when I couldn't even see a future for myself.
In December of 1973 I quit high school in the middle of my senior year, moved to another state near some cousins, couch-surfed for the holidays, then quickly got a minimum-wage job. A precipitous move, to be sure. Using my feet was the only option I saw that wasn't immediately self-destructive, so that's the one I chose.
The best thing about this choice was that everything immediately became my choice and my responsibility: I was on my own path, and that ownership did wonders for my stability, self-respect, and what now would be called "self-actualization". I also had family nearby giving me love and gentle advice, though my family back home was left shocked, hurt and puzzled. I soon started attending night school to earn the few credits I needed to meet minimum graduation requirements, and got them transferred to my former high school.
However, as the next Fall approached, I realized I was still in a similar situation: I still wasn't ready for college, and I knew I didn't want to couch-surf and work minimum-wage jobs for the rest of my life. I needed a better path, preferably one that would let me gain skills while continuing to figure out both myself and my longer-term goals.
My choice was to enlist in the military, specifically the US Navy. My timing was fortunate: the Viet Nam War was winding down (the first 25,000 troops had been withdrawn, but the evacuation of Saigon hadn't yet happened). I had always been against The War, but had also favored the US having a strong military, hopefully one that would not be used in fruitless wars.
The Navy of early 1975 was happy to have me (recruitment sucked after the draft ended in January of 1973), and I became one hell of a sailor. Even with stumbles along the way, the military gave me the structured environment I needed to work on myself, and the Navy continually gave me opportunities and challenges to grow and learn: The military helped me internalize the goal-setting process, to learn to make good decisions, to learn to lead (starting with myself), and I increasingly took charge of my military career. I quickly ascended through the ranks. Everyone assumed I was a "lifer" who would follow a military career all the way to retirement. That was not the path I saw for myself: as I approached 6 years on Active Duty, I finally knew I was ready to move on. I knew I still wasn't ready to immediately start college, but I did know I needed to move my life back to the civilian world, to learn what careers appealed to me.
That was early 1981, and my military skills immediately landed me a great job as a technician. That job let me work closely with engineers and scientists, which in turn helped me set goals for my own education, and the rest, as they say, is history. I've had the most wonderful and fun career as an engineer, and while the path I took did not make me rich, I've managed to set just enough aside to (hopefully) let me stay in my San Diego home when I retire.
Looking back, I'm still shocked that a messed-up 18 year-old managed to make what proved to be such an awesomely good choice. I suspect few 18 year-olds are ready to do career planning for anyone, much less themselves, and are also unready to take charge of their own lives. As the world becomes increasingly complex, it should not be any surprise that more teens are having trouble leaving home.
While goal-setting is vitally important, it is equally important to be careful to not choose goals that are irrelevant to one's current situation. That is, the goal-setting process itself should be the first goal to pursue, the first thing to learn about, the first success that enables all others. That's what the US Navy gave me, though there are other ways to achieve the same result. It is not necessary to join the military! What is important is to start with baby-steps that enable better future steps.
There is a bigger picture to consider: What would 18 year-old me have needed to go straight from high school to college and an enjoyable career? I've been thinking about this a lot as I approach the end of my own career.
First, I really needed to learn about, and deal with, my mental and emotional health. I believe basic mental health skills and tools should be taught starting before puberty. The therapy I finally received starting in my mid-30's was something that would have hugely helped teenage me. More than that, teenagers need to be able to assess which of their problems are primarily internal versus external, and seek the right tools to apply, and become aware enough to ask for tools or help they lack.
Second, the only "career professionals" I saw doing their jobs on a daily basis were teachers and other school staff. I had little awareness of what my and my friend's parents actually did for a living. The other working adults I was able to watch doing their jobs were mostly in the retail industry or in law enforcement. I only have one memory outside that: In 6th grade our class took a full-day tour of our local newspaper, and I immediately wanted to simultaneously become a reporter, editor, typesetter and press operator. I was hungry to know what adults actually did when gone for the day, but such opportunities were vanishingly rare.
Third, the one thing in high school that gave me any sense of self-empowerment was my after-school/weekend job. My first paycheck was from McDonald's, but a lack of hours led me to become a busboy at a local diner, where I developed a work ethic that served me well ever since. I disliked the work, but I enjoyed doing it well and getting paid for it. Every teenager should have access to similar experiences, doing real work for a real paycheck. It could be as an intern, but must certainly be way above "Bring Your Child to Work Day" or doing random chores for neighbors. Ideally, it would tie directly into skill-based or trade-oriented school classes, such as shop classes, cooking or economics.
As I considered the above, I saw an opportunity to set a new goal for myself. What can I do to meaningfully affect these issues? Sure, I can lobby for more school funding, more diverse classes, and more integration with the local community and businesses. But that's mainly political. What can I directly do to affect those things for individual teens?
I can become a teacher, preferably a STEM teacher. I've already volunteered over 400 hours at a local high school. On Monday I start evening school to prep for my CSET exams.
Please watch the video first, else what follows may not make much sense.
The next most important thing is to give yourself permission to change or reorder your goals, and to do so by treating the goal selection process itself as a goal, something to pursue and learn to do well.
In my case, back in the early 1970's I was a very dysfunctional teenager who happened to get decent grades, and who everyone assumed would go directly to a good university. I desperately wanted some breathing room to figure myself out (I was depressed and silently suicidal, with one older brother dead to suicide and the other extremely emotionally disturbed). I didn't disagree that college was in my future, but I knew I wasn't ready. Yet I didn't see any alternatives to the track I was on. I was dreading high school graduation. I was dreading the arguments with my parents. I was dreading choosing a college and then a major, when I couldn't even see a future for myself.
In December of 1973 I quit high school in the middle of my senior year, moved to another state near some cousins, couch-surfed for the holidays, then quickly got a minimum-wage job. A precipitous move, to be sure. Using my feet was the only option I saw that wasn't immediately self-destructive, so that's the one I chose.
The best thing about this choice was that everything immediately became my choice and my responsibility: I was on my own path, and that ownership did wonders for my stability, self-respect, and what now would be called "self-actualization". I also had family nearby giving me love and gentle advice, though my family back home was left shocked, hurt and puzzled. I soon started attending night school to earn the few credits I needed to meet minimum graduation requirements, and got them transferred to my former high school.
However, as the next Fall approached, I realized I was still in a similar situation: I still wasn't ready for college, and I knew I didn't want to couch-surf and work minimum-wage jobs for the rest of my life. I needed a better path, preferably one that would let me gain skills while continuing to figure out both myself and my longer-term goals.
My choice was to enlist in the military, specifically the US Navy. My timing was fortunate: the Viet Nam War was winding down (the first 25,000 troops had been withdrawn, but the evacuation of Saigon hadn't yet happened). I had always been against The War, but had also favored the US having a strong military, hopefully one that would not be used in fruitless wars.
The Navy of early 1975 was happy to have me (recruitment sucked after the draft ended in January of 1973), and I became one hell of a sailor. Even with stumbles along the way, the military gave me the structured environment I needed to work on myself, and the Navy continually gave me opportunities and challenges to grow and learn: The military helped me internalize the goal-setting process, to learn to make good decisions, to learn to lead (starting with myself), and I increasingly took charge of my military career. I quickly ascended through the ranks. Everyone assumed I was a "lifer" who would follow a military career all the way to retirement. That was not the path I saw for myself: as I approached 6 years on Active Duty, I finally knew I was ready to move on. I knew I still wasn't ready to immediately start college, but I did know I needed to move my life back to the civilian world, to learn what careers appealed to me.
That was early 1981, and my military skills immediately landed me a great job as a technician. That job let me work closely with engineers and scientists, which in turn helped me set goals for my own education, and the rest, as they say, is history. I've had the most wonderful and fun career as an engineer, and while the path I took did not make me rich, I've managed to set just enough aside to (hopefully) let me stay in my San Diego home when I retire.
Looking back, I'm still shocked that a messed-up 18 year-old managed to make what proved to be such an awesomely good choice. I suspect few 18 year-olds are ready to do career planning for anyone, much less themselves, and are also unready to take charge of their own lives. As the world becomes increasingly complex, it should not be any surprise that more teens are having trouble leaving home.
While goal-setting is vitally important, it is equally important to be careful to not choose goals that are irrelevant to one's current situation. That is, the goal-setting process itself should be the first goal to pursue, the first thing to learn about, the first success that enables all others. That's what the US Navy gave me, though there are other ways to achieve the same result. It is not necessary to join the military! What is important is to start with baby-steps that enable better future steps.
There is a bigger picture to consider: What would 18 year-old me have needed to go straight from high school to college and an enjoyable career? I've been thinking about this a lot as I approach the end of my own career.
First, I really needed to learn about, and deal with, my mental and emotional health. I believe basic mental health skills and tools should be taught starting before puberty. The therapy I finally received starting in my mid-30's was something that would have hugely helped teenage me. More than that, teenagers need to be able to assess which of their problems are primarily internal versus external, and seek the right tools to apply, and become aware enough to ask for tools or help they lack.
Second, the only "career professionals" I saw doing their jobs on a daily basis were teachers and other school staff. I had little awareness of what my and my friend's parents actually did for a living. The other working adults I was able to watch doing their jobs were mostly in the retail industry or in law enforcement. I only have one memory outside that: In 6th grade our class took a full-day tour of our local newspaper, and I immediately wanted to simultaneously become a reporter, editor, typesetter and press operator. I was hungry to know what adults actually did when gone for the day, but such opportunities were vanishingly rare.
Third, the one thing in high school that gave me any sense of self-empowerment was my after-school/weekend job. My first paycheck was from McDonald's, but a lack of hours led me to become a busboy at a local diner, where I developed a work ethic that served me well ever since. I disliked the work, but I enjoyed doing it well and getting paid for it. Every teenager should have access to similar experiences, doing real work for a real paycheck. It could be as an intern, but must certainly be way above "Bring Your Child to Work Day" or doing random chores for neighbors. Ideally, it would tie directly into skill-based or trade-oriented school classes, such as shop classes, cooking or economics.
As I considered the above, I saw an opportunity to set a new goal for myself. What can I do to meaningfully affect these issues? Sure, I can lobby for more school funding, more diverse classes, and more integration with the local community and businesses. But that's mainly political. What can I directly do to affect those things for individual teens?
I can become a teacher, preferably a STEM teacher. I've already volunteered over 400 hours at a local high school. On Monday I start evening school to prep for my CSET exams.
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